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Being the trend-tard that I am, though (you’ll hear that from time to time from me), I checked all the results first thing in the afternoon. I am sure glad I didn’t waste my time! Let’s start with the smaller stuff. Wait, that’s the whole show. Okay...the ‘minor’ stuff. Favorite Soundtrack. I love soundtracks! I mean, you get a lot of good music, often by a bunch of different groups, on one CD. Nothing wrong with that, right? WRONG! The AMA’s sought to take a mad shit on this no-lose category last night. We had Lilo and Stitch’s fun soundtrack. Any lover of Elvis would flip for this CD. The Scorpion King’s gritty, metal soundtrack by Sully and the boys in GodSmack. And then we had Spiderman. The summer’s big blockbuster. Blew away Star Wars and anything else Hollywood could toss at it. Too bad it’s got one of the GAYEST soundtracks EVER!!! (And I mean that in the least offensive manner towards my homosexual readers...God knows that not even a show tune singing, interior designing, ab working outing gay is as GAY as this CD is) So far, we’re 0 and 1 for the AMA. Country artist, contemporary artists, and inspirational artists be damned!! Quit wasting my time! Still...how in the hell does Avalon beat out both Jars of Clay AND P.O.D.?????? Latin music. Hey, isn’t this the AMERICAN Music Awards?? ‘Nuff said. 0 for 2. UNLESS, they’ve got Ricky Martin back there......nope. Just Enrique. I stick to my review. Who in the hell is still giving Celine Dion awards?? Didn’t the Crocodile Hunter kill her on a giraffe safari?? 0 for 3. Favorite Alternative Artist. By definition, anything ‘alternative’ shouldn’t even BE at a mainstream event like this. That aside, a pretty close race. Creed, a bunch of whiny, neo-metal heads that can’t even show up for their shows. Linkin Park...hey, isn’t this show on past their bedtime? Or are they just busy remixing their album for the third time because they wrote their last good song 5 years ago?? System of a Down. Arguably the biggest powerhouse in Rock today. Well, until that damn singer opens his f’n mouth!! They’ve made a little money, right? TAKE SOME SINGING LESSONS!!!!!! I would have gone with SoD, though. At least they’re still a bunch of hard working guys that can put out a decent record. 0 for 4. Favorite new Hip Hop Artist. Hey, aren’t they all new?? Seriously, though, I don’t know of many people that have worked as hard as Ashanti in this business. 1 for 5. That about wraps up the ‘minor’ stuff. So far, not so good. The only part of this Godforsaken show I really watched was Jack Osbourne continuing his stretch as the ‘coolest geek’ I know introducing his mom and Justin Timberlake to present. I know that the family is hosting the show and all, and that Sharon is pretty much responsible for keeping Ozzy on track and making him a star, but she DIDN’T EVEN LET THE NOMINEE VIDEO PLAY!!!! Man, if I was Linkin Park or SoD...I’d kill that bitch...if the cancer didn’t get to her first. (Ouch) Favorite Hip Hop Album. Well, here’s the first of many for Eminem. Poor Nelly had better come up with more than room temperatures for his next album! 2 for 6. Favorite Hip Hop Band or Duo. OutKast. Hey, they beat B2K. Works for me! 3 for 7. Favorite Female Hip Hop Artist. THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!! If Jennifer Lopez won this I think that I would go on a tear to buy up all of the nation’s hair removal products so that we can all see her mustache for what it really is!! Like I said earlier, though, it is all about Ashanti when it come to this genre. 3 for 8. Favorite Male...male whatever, this year, it’s gonna be Eminem. Considering the choices...I’ll agree. 4 for 9. Favorite New Artist. This award has ALWAYS pissed me off. New artist my ass! Ashanti won this thing and has been in the business for YEARS!! Congrats to her, but I poop on this award. 4 for 10. Favorite Female Artist. Again...THANK GOD!!! Lopez is not even nominated and that has got to be God himself blessing me for all my good deeds. They gave it to Sheryl Crow despite the fact that she had ONE good album and it came out over 6 years ago!! Give the damn thing to Pink! She WRITES her own songs (a little shot to our favorite Toys R Us mascot, Celine Dion), and she has worked her ass off!! 4 for 11. Favorite Pop or Rock Band. I had to look twice. I did see Nickelback in there. WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?? They SUCK!! I mean, no bones about it...these guys SUCK! I guess I can be happy they didn’t win. Hey, anyone ever notice that singer/guitarist Chad Kroeger looks a lot like a grown up Hanson brother?? Again, considering the nominees, Creed takes it. 5 for 12. With three left, I think the AMA’s are going to get a FAILING grade from this Joe Billionaire.
Final score: 7 for 15. Thank God for quality programming on our Cable networks. |
 A group of friends and I put together this little project in 2003 as an outlet of out collective rage and anger about the subjects that each of us cared about. I was the editor-and-chief and games writer back then. It was a blast to do and it to be involved in a great collaborative effort using the strengths of my friends was simply amazing. I hope you have fun reading our work as much as we had in creating it.
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